Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Real and Happy Marriage Isn’t Project Merlin

TODAY is not so great. I am actually not in good shape. It must be period-related but who knows. Bad timing, I know. It sucks to be sick and be alone at the same time. Not a fun combination, eh.

Tough, especially when the best care provider is not around. Yes, this day makes me miss John all the more. Not because I need someone to take care of me but because I am reminded of how great his love for me is.

Since the odds of being with him now are not giving me any choice, I will create my own set of options. Yes, I will choose to be happy. Haha, c’mon, I have no reason to be sad. As what he’d always say, happiness is a choice and it’s not rocket science.  So right now, I am thinking happy thoughts. I am thinking of him, of us. And he is absolutely right.

Somehow after gaming my mind, I feel better. As memories of those times spent together essayed to pump that happy feeling, I can’t help but realize that a relationship doesn’t have to be sent to the miracle department.

A happy marriage isn’t Project Merlin if the very people involved are seriously committed to keep the magic alive. There’s no known potion, no proven fashion. Just be in it for the long haul, with the highest degree of dedication you can submit yourself to.

John and I are blessed to live in our world where honesty is the currency, with love being the exchange rate.
CEOs: Coffee Expert Officers

With him I enjoy the kind of reality that most couples in the world are struggling so hard to find. With him I share a real marriage, one that didn’t start after the wedding but one that continues to iterate itself for the better.

Ours is not a perfect love story. It is actually punctuated with holes that we both patched together. But you know, it is with the very presence of imperfections that genuine feelings are pushed to the surface. That is a bonus discovery for people who are in touch with the true love side. Well, that makes John and I extremely lucky that we can tell Magellan, “Man, we found the Spice Island.”

We’ve been through rough times too but we took them as necessary lows that enabled us to see the awesome heights we’ve reached as a team, as partners. Our daily triumphs are fortunate leftovers from a challenging yesterday.

I feel that as a young woman who is married to someone senior my age, I am blessed with a husband who has seen a lot of life and learned from it. He is someone who can guide me, pointing out the road signposts as I explore the best direction to take with him. He is someone that I can hold on and look up to. Someone I can love and be in love with, with sincerity in our hearts that is deeply rooted. His kind of love is selfless, always giving, always all-out. He is a die-hard fan of being human, using his heart to have a clearer view of what’s inside you.

Until now I am incredulous about ending up with a super human like him, should I say, the best husband in the world.

Monday, March 7, 2011

What Did You Do For Lunch? (Our Lunchtime Wedding Story)

MY WEDDING SHOES. Old and rugged "chucks"
Have you ever heard of a girl who sneaked out of work during lunch time, quickly headed to the town hall with her three friends and signed up for a marriage contract? Then after 5-10 minutes, she went back to work? Take note,  she was wearing her usual pair of jeans, topped it with a white blouse and finished her get-up with a ponytail and black canvass shoes (that Filipinos call “chucks”). 

If your answer is NO, then read on. This one is very true.

Welcome to my post about my fun wedding story. As an iPod touch would banner it, it’s one of the “funnest” wedding tales you’d ever know.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010. For some people who saw my status on that fateful day, it meant nothing.

10/5 = 2 (The two of us ...awww, spell C-H-E-E-S-Y).

The two of us picked this date with a William Tell attitude—whatever the arrow hits because for us, that event was a sure shot already. We were just there to fulfill the legal aspect of our union. The marriage of the minds already happened when we agreed to embark on a relationship. Our hearts made up their decisions for us.

One of the witnesses that I tagged along didn’t know what we were up to. I just asked him to come with us to the City Hall. On our way, inside the cab, his imagination gave him ideas of being slapped with a criminal case at the trial court or other things worse. But he shared, when we got there, that the idea of me tying the knot with John also crossed his mind. But was it possible? That was a thought that he was unable to reconcile.

The groom was already there when we arrived. He looked handsome with his neatly pressed outfit. He seldom dons long sleeves and slacks so you can tell; this was a big day for him, for us. He greeted me with this line “Honey, you’re late.”

Yes, I was late for my wedding. Hahaha! The time estimate that the court’s clerk gave us was around 11:00AM to 11:30AM. We arrived at 11:15AM and the judge decided to attend to the first couple who got there.

To make the long story short, the wedding proper lasted for 5 minutes. The waiting game outside must have taken some 25-30 minutes. My friends and I were supposed to be “out for lunch” so we really had to hurry outside after signing all the papers, after that wedding smooch (don’t believe those wedding movies), and after accidentally responding to the judge with a “yeah, yeah” instead of “I Do, Your Honor.”

It was fun because the discussion of the conjugal properties opened doors for humor. For example, because I am long-haired and John’s hair is thinning out, I was thinking of sharing half of the strand count with him. And he grabbed my favourite pen as the judge explained the part of the wife sharing her assets with him. (So you can relate with this part, I am in a relationship with my gel pens, as though it's my biggest fetish). How cheap! Haha.

So there, my dream wedding came true. I never liked to wear make-up and dress so that wedding was so fun for me. John wasn’t a fan of big weddings too, we like intimate ones. Of course, we weren't really cheapskates. We went out for dinner with my friends at Cafe Breton, a French place that John and I would frequent. That for me was the happiest and the best wedding reception. 

There is a reason why I handpicked the people I shared the wedding with and will come up with a separate post for that.  For now, I hope you liked what I shared. The fun and heavy sides of this story were taken on a serious note.

Our bond is real. So is our marriage.

And oh, my family knew about this. They were informed, the day before.

The Best Husband's Wife Writes


As I am tinkering the keyboard for this post, my husband is somewhere in the United States sleeping to recover from the jetlag feeling. In his email earlier, he said it felt freezing out there. Man, I wish I can give him a hug, just like minutes before that tough moment yesterday.

Yes, I took him to the airport. That was one of the most difficult times in my life. Seeing him walking away with all his luggage tore me apart inside but I had to keep myself together because I know he was trying to hold his emotions too. Nobody wanted that. And so we hugged and said our “I love you” to each other. This decision is for “us” and it’s for the best.

Central Park in Corvallis, Oregon
Don’t get me wrong! We didn’t have a break-up or anything of that sort. We’re hoping that it won’t be long before we can be together again. He had to fly because he has to be in his country as requisite for my green card application. We didn’t plan really about moving or settling there. But some events in our marriage life prompted us to pick better choices and that is to pursue the best of life. Sadly, we cannot see that happening here in the Philippines.

There’s no life in Manila. Every freaking day, you are treated to a lungful of polluted air, to deafening vehicle horns and to unbelievable attitudes of some people. You can’t leave your door unlocked. You can’t even trust your neighbour. You can’t trust the food that restaurants serve. Either they’re loaded with MSG or they’re loaded with factory crap labeled as “ingredients.” While that holds true anywhere in the world, the reality remains clear. It’s not that there’s nothing here in Manila for us, but there’s so much more if we try outside.

Some people, especially Filipinos, won’t agree with that. But my husband John and I believe that there is a reason why half of the world wants to be in the United States. And to be honest, this wasn’t my idea—but his. And the reality is, my man is oozing with all things wisdom and common sense—a rarity among men. He’s the smartest man, I must say. And he’s got the biggest heart too, with soul so pure and selfless. With that, I say, I trust him in this decision.

You see, when we realized the beauty of sharing a real relationship, all that mattered to us is to be “for keeps” and to keep things “for real.” Whatever the world says is none of our business. Quoting Oscar Wilde, “We have the simplest taste. We only settle for the best.”

So, when we’ve come to our senses and accepted the real score, we had to make plans because we’re running out of time.

Ours is an unusual tale that people inadvertently judge from the surface. You must know that my husband and I have this huge age difference. In fact, he’s older than my dad. But who cares? When we’re together, we don’t feel any of that. We pay no mind to age because for me, that’s just a figure, a man-made symbol. He is my best friend, my confidant, my one true love. And I can honestly say that.

For his part, I can’t find the right words to say. Whenever someone asks me why I ended up with him, I simply say “coz John’s the Best Husband awardee.” More than being a thinking cap and a humor tank rolled into one, his amazing character is a rare find. And this once in a lifetime chance of ending up with the best man in the world is something that I can’t pass up. What can I offer? My pair of metal accessories?

Yes, I am using crutches. Throw into the basket that I am a Filipino and he's an American and that will make this love story a strange mix. But like I said, he made me feel as though he didn’t see my "extra legs" or he didn't take face or physical value against me. He loves me for what I am and together, we built a beautiful friendship that rolled over to the biggest event in my life—marrying him.

That is why, this separation that I pray will be brief, say a couple of months (Calling the Immigration Office ... haha!) seems to be a difficult time for me. Because John spoiled me with his love, presence, and a real marriage. As he would put it, “Have you ever seen an American house bitch?” Hahaha!

Now tell me, what can I ask for? #