Thursday, August 28, 2014

Breaking the silence

Life is beautiful. It's been nothing but beautiful. Even though we're still trying to recover from everything that tried to stuff hope and faith out of our systems, I can still say that in the grand scheme of things, we've been more than fortunate to keep our heads above water. Very proud of J who fought cancer with all his might.

So much has changed since I last posted an article here. I am sure that you'd understand if I was unable to find a minute to squeeze in even a one-liner. Reality consumed me whole but I liked it that way. The move from Portland to Los Angeles was in all aspects energy-draining. My new daytime job's been making me busy yet very happy. And yes, the business. We finally pushed the idea into production and everything's been nothing but challenging -- in a good way!

Amid the tangled daily realities, I still wake up each morning reaching for the man next to me, the one I am so in love with. Every breathing moment makes my heart brim with gratefulness and happiness. One year ago, J was given three weeks to live. If not the most gut-wrenching moment, that very moment was akin to being sent to hell via an express ticket. I can't describe it enough. Somehow, my confessions here should be able to paint some parts of it.

CALIFORNIA. We wake up to this view every day. 

But anyway, I will post a long one soon. This one is really just a quick update. John is doing great and heaven knows how much I'd want for him to enjoy this second or third chance at life. Sometimes, there'd be a little headache here and there but nothing that love and coffee can't fix. ;-)

Friday, January 3, 2014

Last chemotherapy session

John and his oncologist at Compass Oncology determined that the fifth chemotherapy session he went through would be his last. The results that the therapy generated are definitive of the direction that they wanted to take. John is so much better now compared to where he was in the health scale last August 2013. No more fluid in his lungs, his spleen's size went back to normal (it ballooned,  220% of the normal size), he's been gaining his lost weight back, etc.

The next question is, so what now? To be honest, we are clueless. We can only guess what tomorrow has. One thing is sure though, there'd been a lot of progress. The medical scare is still in the picture. He is not 100% okay. We are still not sure. The relapse will happen but nobody knows when. The doctor puts it in a year or two but as he had mentioned, "no one can tell." Aside from trying to stay fit and healthy, a positive state of mind and heart will help. I will try my best to help him in those aspects.

I promised him a few months ago that if things improved, I will take him to Chiang Mai Thailand, our favorite place. His birthday wish is to take me to Thailand while he still can. With the realities at work and with my employer deciding to take away all the employees' earned paid time off after a spat with a key employee, I am not sure if that will still happen. For someone who's used to vacation days and multi-purpose leaves back home, it is going to be a huge adjustment phase. I can't go on vacation and once I do that, things just get crazy when you come back as though you're a machine. There is also the reality of finances, a huge chunk went to the medical bills. Then the business that we started. It will take some time before we can recover our investment.

The best way I know is to just try to shake joie de vivre into John's system, make him happy each day. Give him a reason to enjoy. Once the business starts to generate real income, maybe we can have more time together.